I was lying in bed until just a minute ago, when suddenly into my head popped a task that I really needed to do. I tried to will it away, but it persisted. We were in bed early tonight, after a potluck with our home community friends. The girls did great as usual, but were ready to call it a night from all the noise and people at 8:30 p.m. We tiptoed in, kept the house quiet, changed and nursed them in the darkness.
I dozed, smelling the top of a sweet baby head, and my mind had time to wander down those well-worn rabbit trails in my head. It led me to memories that make me sad, angry, and leave me yearning for grace and justice for this person who has been continually wronged and who continually makes the wrong decisions. Sometimes, it really hurts to be human.
To be human is to feel acutely: pain, sadness, guilt, joy, happiness, wonder. To be human means there will always be unresolved hurts right alongside the happiest moments and feelings of fulfillment.
So, I silently pray my hopes for this new year, tie them to the sad thoughts, and float them up to be received by He who I know is listening. Then I get up, complete my task (thank you cards), and head back to bed.
Good night, sleep tight, with dreams of peace and light.
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