Wednesday, February 1, 2012

pop tarts.

I went grocery shopping by myself tonight, and it was good to be alone.

I bought a box of Nature's Valley organic toaster pastries. I stood there staring at the box, and they reminded me of when I was first married, when Andy worked at Costco and we had an Executive membership, and we'd always buy a case of black beans, a bag of frozen burritos, and a huge box of the same kind of organic poptarts, strawberry and blueberry.

Those were the days when I was sick but on the road to getting better. When I knew in my head that eating one microwaved burrito all day was not healthy, but I was high on that glorious feeling of control that I couldn't let go of.

When I hear people quote Kate Moss saying, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels", I get sad. Because that kind of skinny doesn't always feel good. That kind of skinny is only meaningful for a short period of time.

That kind of skinny doesn't bring lasting love, or fulfillment, or all the things that make a woman feel alive and beautiful. And it is hardly ever enough.

Unpacking the groceries, I open the box and the foil pack. I pour a big glass of our beloved farm milk. It's been a long day. And I know, for a fact, that there are things that taste better than a certain kind of skinny feels.

"Hey babe, want a pop tart?"

Linking up w/Just Write
and Imperfect Prose


  1. I didn't know that was something you dealt with. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Yes, when I was young and dumb :) It started as skipping a meal here and there, and then I kind of lost control, even though I thought I "had" control.

      That's how I got so into traditional foods. Five years ago I randomly (but not by accident) read a book by Jordan Rubin called "Patient, Heal Thyself" and that was my turning point.

  2. yes ma'am, to this. balance is beautiful. :)

  3. wow... this is so powerful friend. i have an eating disorders blog:, and would LOVE to share this, there... would you mind? if you don't, could you email it to me at (bless you)

  4. Great post! Fresh farm milk is so good for you! I'm so happy to hear your story, thanks for sharing.

  5. This is so important. There is more to health than skinny, we are always avoiding emotional and mental health...Please feel free to share over at Painting Prose! We'd love to hear what you have to say!


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