Thursday, February 7, 2013
To be a safe haven.
My two sleepyheads cuddle up in their cribs and we all let out a collective sigh of relief.
It's tough on everyone, this growing up thing. Believe me, I know.
Some days I feel like a child again, facing down the monsters in the closet, only this time the monster is me and the anger that I work so hard to breathe through and release is hulking and threatens to manifest itself in ways that my toddlers would not understand. Their little hearts are so precious, so vulnerable, so impressionable. My sense of justice is so short-sighted, blinded by my sense of entitlement and the things I think I deserve.
I suppose that's why my heart of hearts has come to be so against my use of physical discipline, because it's me I don't trust and retribution is what it would become. Do not hand me that rod; throw it off the bridge and watch it sink to the bottom. Fling it off the mountain top as I build my altar up here and purpose to walk a different path, a stone-strewn mountain trail that leads me far away from the person I see myself becoming without a continuing inflow of grace and mindbending mercy.
I'm believing in someone Greater than myself to measure justice, believing that the One I trust is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He is good to all, and His mercy is over all that He has made. Always, always, always.
That I would take that on as my mama-mantra, to the fulfilling benefit of my children, because when the natural consequences of life and being human rain down on their little heads, I'll be a safe haven for them to take shelter, with words of correction and truth and life and encouragement.
It's been a while, but once again sharing with Heather and Emily. Join up!