Today's guest writer is Kamille from Redeeming the Table. She's a fellow Pacific Northwesterner and we both share a love and enjoyment of delicious, nourishing meals and the way we use food to minister to the people in our lives. She's also grain free and shares some amazing recipes. With 3 beautiful daughters, she's gone before me and I learn so much from her. Check out her blog, Twitter, Pinterest, Facebook and IG!
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It’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t carefree, only called “Kamille,” and could stay up till 2:00 am with no regret come the next morning. But, I can crane my head and call back growing up in the 80s & 90s, when hypercolor & neon Espirit bags fell in out of fashion as quick as one meltdown to the next.
As far as I can remember, I always wanted to live on the stage. As a young three year old girl, I would wrap myself up in old drapes announcing to Nana, “I’m a BabaWaba!” I would sing, perform and find any chance to draw attention to theatrics. It wasn’t just a fleeting interest, or a cute thing I did. I was naturally gifted in these areas.
When it came time to audition for church plays, I set my eye on the lead role...ALWAYS! I had flare, a gift. Nana & Grandpa Soto would encourage it, and others who saw me would tell them the same.
However, there came a time when I allowed my own insecurities get the best of me. I believed that if I couldn’t be the best, then I shouldn’t even try. In sixth grade, I auditioned for the lead solo in choir. Unfortunately, I didn’t get picked. It was this other girl, who actually wasn’t as good as me. But, you know what she had? Sheer disregard. A disregard what others truly thought.
My freshman year of college I was pursuing the Performing Arts as a major. One of my courses was Voice. My vocal coach/teacher would have us pick various pieces to perform in front of the class. Time and time again his critique of me was my restraint. The funny thing is I wouldn’t consider myself at the time a restrained sort of person. It wouldn’t be until we were acting emotions to sing that I finally shined.
Why? I think it’s because I was given freedom to be someone else, the hidden self. That self, which is not inhibited or dictated by what others think. It was after singing with verbose volume my teacher said, “Kamille! Where has that voice been all semester? You’ve been hiding it.”
Senior year of high school I was voted Miss Unique. But, I don’t think I really was all that unique. Sure, I dressed differently and people thought I “didn’t care what others thought:” but, girls, really, truly...I did care. I played scenarios of defeat in my head all too often, which led to a cyclical pattern of false confidence. It led me towards regrets wishing I had truly lived by my English teacher, Mr. Qualls resolve, Carpe Diem.