Wednesday, January 1, 2014

house of God, forever.

We've had a bittersweet holiday season, many moments of tears and sorrow; hearing of friends losing their precious children, our family losing two grandparents within a span of seven weeks, dealing with illness and weariness of both soul and body, and just hard stuff that seems to bleed you like a thousand paper cuts.

But there's been hope here too, in brilliant glimmers, like gathering under the brightly-lit Christmas tree and laughing, loving, sharing, and listening to the pure glee of joyful little toddlers. We've also had surprising news of new life (I'm due in August!) but you know, it's been very tough with 24/7 sickness and I guess I'm just not a first-trimester type person.

I guess you could just say we've lived deeply in the past two months, deeper than is comfortable. And more deeply than I've been willing to share with anyone else but my family. At the worst parts, all you can do is say to one another, "Yes. I am here." And we come a little closer to each other because pain will either shove you together as you cling for dear life, or you'll each look away and stand back to back, searching the horizon and when you turn over your shoulder, you're miles apart.

There are some songs that stick in my heart during the happy times and the sad times; in the mourning times and in the joyful cheek-stretching smiley times. This is one of those songs, for me, and with it sounding in my heart we grab hands and walk bravely into the New Year.


  1. I'm so sorry you've been through the ringer :( I pray this new year brings you much peace and rest! AND, congratulations on your new little one!!!

  2. congrats on the little one in your belly! are the girls aware of what's going on?

    i'm sorry to hear about all the sadness that's going on. praying for you and sending good vibes your way...

  3. Thank you, Emily! Much appreciated :) They do know, they came to one
    funeral but I left them home with Andy for the other one...the baby,
    they call it "baby brother big eyeball" because we had an ultrasound to
    rule out a second set of twins(!) and the U/s pics look like a big
    eyeball :)

  4. Thanks mama. I'm excited and looking forward to 2014! :)

  5. happy the news is out :). I hear you on the holidays...I guess this Christmas was just a melancholy one all around. I'm looking forward to catching up in real life soon!


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